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Been Thinking About . . . What's a Soft Answer?

Campus Journal - Saturday May 11

Been Thinking About . . . What's a Soft Answer?
by Mart De Haan

I admire the person who can use humor and thoughtfulness to defuse the tension of an angry moment. Maybe that's why I've become so intrigued with Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (NKJV). I'm convinced that there is more here than a reminder not to yell at one another.

I have a good friend who reminds me that sometimes I am so committed to avoiding anger that I don't get angry even when it is called for. At its best, angry emotions show that we care enough to be upset when someone or something we value is in danger. Wisdom, however, keeps this emotion on a short leash.

Anger is like a guard dog. It can help us protect ourselves, our property, or someone we care about. But anger can also be our own junkyard dog. Without training, fencing, or a short leash, he will bite a friend as quickly as he will attack a thief.

So, is Proverbs 15:1 just encouraging us to lower our voices to avoid waking the sleeping dog? No. The wisdom described here isn't just about volume. What makes a response gentle is our motive, not our volume. A soft answer is motivated by love. "What I do with my time is none of your business" is a harsh answer even when it's said softly through smiling lips. On the other hand, "What can I say? What I said was thoughtless and mean. You didn't need to hear that from me!" is likely to be "soft" even if expressed with loud regret.

The calming effect of a soft answer is a general rule that has exceptions. A "soft answer" does not always quiet anger. No one illustrates this better than Jesus. He was crucified for speaking the ultimate soft answer. This King put everyone off balance by surprising people with kindness. He comforted people whose lives were a mess, and unnerved those who were resting in their own self-righteousness.

Proverbs 15:1 is not an end in itself. It is not a simple moral principle. Instead, it leads us to the source of love, security, and spiritual strength we all need. After helping us to think about what it means to answer in a soft rather than a harsh way, this proverb points us to our God. Our "soft answers" are prompted by His offer of security, the example and forgiveness of His Son, and the enabling presence of His Spirit.

If you have a hard time controlling your angry impulses, check out the booklet When Anger Burns or write for a copy at RBC Ministries, Dept. CJ, Grand Rapids, MI 49555. Mention the title and this code: CB942.

Campus Journal - Saturday May 11 Been Thinking About . . . What's a Soft Answer? by Mart De Haan I admire the person who can use humor and thoughtfulness to defuse the tension of an angry moment. Maybe that's why I've become so intrigued with Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (NKJV). I'm convinced that there is more here than a reminder not to yell at one another. I have a good friend who reminds me that sometimes I am so committed to avoiding anger that I don't get angry even when it is called for. At its best, angry emotions show that we care enough to be upset when someone or something we value is in danger. Wisdom, however, keeps this emotion on a short leash. Anger is like a guard dog. It can help us protect ourselves, our property, or someone we care about. But anger can also be our own junkyard dog. Without training, fencing, or a short leash, he will bite a friend as quickly as he will attack a thief. So, is Proverbs 15:1 just encouraging us to lower our voices to avoid waking the sleeping dog? No. The wisdom described here isn't just about volume. What makes a response gentle is our motive, not our volume. A soft answer is motivated by love. "What I do with my time is none of your business" is a harsh answer even when it's said softly through smiling lips. On the other hand, "What can I say? What I said was thoughtless and mean. You didn't need to hear that from me!" is likely to be "soft" even if expressed with loud regret. The calming effect of a soft answer is a general rule that has exceptions. A "soft answer" does not always quiet anger. No one illustrates this better than Jesus. He was crucified for speaking the ultimate soft answer. This King put everyone off balance by surprising people with kindness. He comforted people whose lives were a mess, and unnerved those who were resting in their own self-righteousness. Proverbs 15:1 is not an end in itself. It is not a simple moral principle. Instead, it leads us to the source of love, security, and spiritual strength we all need. After helping us to think about what it means to answer in a soft rather than a harsh way, this proverb points us to our God. Our "soft answers" are prompted by His offer of security, the example and forgiveness of His Son, and the enabling presence of His Spirit. If you have a hard time controlling your angry impulses, check out the booklet When Anger Burns or write for a copy at RBC Ministries, Dept. CJ, Grand Rapids, MI 49555. Mention the title and this code: CB942.